Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
