I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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