goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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