Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?