That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
