I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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