you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
