it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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