Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.