I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..