if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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