I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
