so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.