she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
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Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him