I'm going to jail i love you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.