one might say we're banned from that church
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..