Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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