What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
