You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just high enough for therapy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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