Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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