there's paper in my vomit.
where am i from again
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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