How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize