Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
