areolas are like halos for boobs.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
