I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
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Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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