Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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