Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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