I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
