Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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