Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
