if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize