I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
