hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
