The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wear drunk well.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize