If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
