Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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