i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
