Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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