I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
