Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Enjoy the penises
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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