You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
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Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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