Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
