final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
