If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize