hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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