His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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