Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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