I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
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