Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
