I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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