Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
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I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.