do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down