If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
