grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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