SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
